(It's a long one, you might want to grab a cuppa☕)
Since coming to uni I've never felt less creative, which is odd considering I'm studying a subject I have so much passion for.
It's been incredibly hard to stay motivated with my degree this year, and I hate to say it but I think that's largely to do with my lecturers. With the exception of my creative writing lecturer, (who has been an absolute dream this year and the only thing that has kept me on the course this long), and my physical theatre tutor, none of them seem to have any passion for what they're teaching; and when they have no passion it's so uninspiring.
I go to an actor training workshop knowing that we'll probably only scratch the surface of an exercise that should be studied for weeks, even months. You do the reading on the exercise and practitioner and see that it has so many more levels. You find that in the space of 20 minutes you've skipped straight from step 1 to step 20 having gained no real understanding of what it is that you're supposed to have achieved. It's frustrating. Everything seems rushed and half arsed.
When showing work for feedback we were told not to criticize. But that's what I want. That's what we all need. Constructive criticism. I want to be told ''no that's not good enough, do it again, try it like this.'' We're first years and nothing is going to be perfect. It's all well and good being polite and kind and saying ''I really like that bit when....'' but it wont get you anywhere.
You won't develop as a performer. And that's what we're paying tuition fees for right...?
TO DEVELOP AS PERFORMERS!
I would rather be told a performance was absolute shit in the rehearsal stage to avoid the embarrassment of presenting a shit scene for my assessment. Yes it might dent your ego a little if you've worked hard on something; but in the real world people will give you the straight up truth in reviews, in person, on social media. If what you do isn't good enough, audiences will let you know. And I know not everyone can handle criticism, so okay yes, give some praise to soften the blow if you must; but if you can't handle the critique (which only serves to help you improve) at university level then I don't think you're looking to head into the right industry; where everything you do will be scrutinized and torn apart by anyone and everyone, often in a very public way.
Quite honestly I don't know if I've gained any skills at all from my actor training lessons this year. I feel like I've left on exactly the same level as when I started.
Creative writing, however, has been an absolute blessing this year. I have never felt more inspired or pushed do something impressive than I have in these seminars. We've covered everything; from monologues, to screen plays, to novels, to poetry, to play writing; the list is endless. I feel like I've gained so many new skills and so much knowledge. I am leaving this year so much more comfortably a writer.
We've explored how to take your own life experiences (you're not as boring as you think, trust me) and turn them into something creative, and then disguise the fact that they even belong to you. The lessons have constantly been thought-provoking, with open class discussion and sharing of work. Everyone has been so supportive, giving praise and improvements in equal measure. Our tutor has picked apart our work to make it the best it can be, and none of the changes made to your writing ever dent your oh so precious ego, because it's incredibly obvious that he is always working in your best interest.
I've learnt so much about film and psychology and the way all mediums of art and expression fit together. I never expected to explore human psychology on a drama degree, or examine the way colour and music are integral to a film - especially in the first 10 seconds. We've looked at pitching a TV series and how to keep an audience interested in what they're viewing. There have been so many things I never expected to come across on this degree.
I feel so lucky to have had a tutor with so much passion and life experience and genuine enthusiasm for the subject and helping students develop their skills and passions. I'm glad I chose this course, purely for the three hours of enlightenment a week in the form of creative writing.
If nothing else this year has given me a whole new range of skills and ideas to keep working on and developing as I go on to study elsewhere.
I think the main thing I've taken from this is that ALL ART IS VALID, so you should always create whatever it is that you want to create. People will always find meaning in things, even if that meaning is different to what you intended.
So I'm trying to get back into being creative, it's taking me a while, but I think I'm getting there.
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